imaginary borders surrounding each individual's body, spirit, energy, behaviors, thoughts and feelings
function to help
- ensure personal safety, comfort, self-respect
- recognize, honor and respect our individual needs, wants and desires
- define our separateness
- give safety to intimate communication with others
Types
External - physical and sexual
Internal - emotional, mental, spiritual (thoughts, beliefs, memories, habits of mind)
Intact and functional boundaries:
- business - I know the difference between my business, your business and God's business
- feelings and emotions - I know the difference between my feelings and emotions and your feelings and emotions
- comfort and safety - I am aware of what is comfortable and safe for me
- responsibility - I recognize what is and is not my responsibility. (If I do not, I become a victim or a martyr.)
- boundaries - relatedness maintained, safety felt, trust, honesty, love present (JenBen, LE CAP)
- walls - can't say no, cut off/separation (LanDan example--he didn't communicate what was offending him)
Setting a boundary
Boundary violations
- result in feelings of discomfort
- caused by
Boundary enforcement
Non-CoDA sources:
- Byron Katie "my business, your business and God's business"
