Boundaries

Defined
imaginary borders surrounding each individual's body, spirit, energy, behaviors, thoughts and feelings
function to help

• ensure personal safety, comfort, self-respect
• recognize, honor and respect our individual needs, wants and desires
• define our separateness
• give safety to intimate communication with others

Types
External - physical and sexual
Internal - emotional, mental, spiritual (thoughts, beliefs, memories, habits of mind)



Intact and functional boundaries:

• business - I know the difference between my business, your business and God's business
• feelings and emotions - I know the difference between my feelings and emotions and your  feelings and emotions
• comfort and safety - I am aware of what is comfortable and safe for me
• responsibility - I recognize what is and is not my responsibility. (If I do not, I become a victim or a martyr.)

The difference between Walls and Boundaries

• boundaries - relatedness maintained, safety felt, trust, honesty, love present (JenBen, LE CAP)
• walls - can't say no, cut off/separation (LanDan example--he didn't communicate what was offending him)

Setting a boundary

Boundary violations

• result in feelings of discomfort
• caused by

Boundary enforcement

Non-CoDA sources:

• Byron Katie "my business, your business and God's business"